If you can’t create safety in a difficult conversation, do this.

My June is packed with workshops on crucial conversations - a core leadership skill that I believe separates average leadership teams from exceptional ones.

One of the core ideas I teach is this: in a hard conversation, aim to create safety vs agreement.

Why? Because safety creates the conditions for real dialogue.

When people feel safe, they’re more likely to stay open, not defensive. They are less likely to agree with you, just for the sake of getting out of the conversation. Safety calms the fight-or-flight response and keeps conversations from turning into unproductive cycles of avoidance, denial, deflection, or aggression.

But what about when you can’t make the conversation feel safe? After all, some hard conversations are just hard, full stop.

My advice: Increase certainty.

For many people, uncertainty - about what’s happening, what it means, or what comes next - creates unnecessary stress. You can’t always make someone feel emotionally safe, but you can reduce ambiguity.

Here’s what that might sound like in real life:

With a colleague:

"I really respect you and care about our working relationship. I’ve sensed some tension lately, and I think it’s affecting how we’re working together. I’m raising it because I want to find a solution that works for both of us. Are you open to talking about it?"

→ This works because it gives the conversation context and signals your intention: preserving your relationship and problem-solving, not blame.

In a termination conversation:

"I have a difficult message to share today. I’ll start by walking you through what’s happening, then give you a chance to respond and ask any questions, and we’ll go over the next steps together."

→ No framing will make this conversation easy. But by increasing certainty - outlining the process, giving space for response - you reduce some of the emotional whiplash that comes from the unknown.

How leaders handle difficult conversations has real consequences: it shapes culture, impacts trust, influences performance and costs organizations - more than most realize.

If your leadership team could benefit from building this skillset, let’s talk. I offer options ranging from half-day workshops to five-week sprints to longer-term programs. Reach me at megan@meganmcallister.ca to learn more.